By Carol Fisher-Linn
Love is a powerful, magical emotion. We’ve learned of lovers throughout history who have delighted our imagination. Their relationships caused wars (Helen of Troy), family schisms (Harry and Megan, preceded by Edward VIII (8th) and Wallis Simpson), and were the inspiration for masterpieces in art, music, and poetry.
Let’s meet a few lovers this Valentine’s Day. Paris and Helen of Troy: “the face that launched a thousand ships.” Cleopatra and Mark Anthony (or Liz and Richard who played them), Hadrian and Antonius (probably not the first same-sex lovers, but more dramatic than most), Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII (8th) – funny thing about their love – he was head over heels for her, yet he had her beheaded. The fickleness of love. Gertrude Stein and Alice Toklas bucked societal norms and were an ardent couple for over 40 years. Pennsylvania 2x divorcee Wallis Simpson captured the heart of King Edward VIII (8th). Would you give up your royal throne for Love???? He did and Prince Harry followed in his great-uncle’s footsteps, relinquishing his royal spare status and his home for the American girl, Meghan Markle. Speaking of thrones, who didn’t love the fantasy of Philadelphia girl and actress, Grace Kelly marrying her Prince Rainier of Monaco – short lived, but every young girl’s dream – in my era anyway. Who are today’s iconic lovers? Amal and George Clooney get my vote and, of course, for the younger folk, there’s Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey.
Historically, the pleasures of love are recorded as far back as 2000 B.C. in a recently transcribed Mesopotamian poem – The Love Song for Shu Sin, filled with much bedroom talk. It surpassed the biblical sexually explicit Song of Songs (990-931 B.VC). That style of love is called Eros.
Aside from Eros, the love that helps populate the planet, there are several other kinds of love. Philia is about friendship and good-will. Water Winchell said it simply enough, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” We all need one friend who answers that description. Freddie Mercury had it pegged when he sang, You’re my Best Friend. Bill Withers nailed it with Lean on Me. Which best friends can you lean on?
A German study revealed that many men say any form of the word ‘Mother’ as their dying words. Familial or parental love is powerful and an amazing gift. When I say powerful, think of the times you have read of a parent who found supernatural strength to lift a car off a child that had slipped under the wheels. Indeed, the Power of Love, sung so well by Celine Dion.
There’s a practical love driven by duty (Pragma). My nephew recently brought his dad home to live with him after my sister (his mom) died unexpectedly this late fall. Adult children who adjust their lives, their job attendance, their personal activities to care for parents or spouses who have dementia, or for their own children with special needs are heroes in my book and a stunning clear example of love led by duty. Are you a caregiver? You clearly know the personal cost of living this Pragma love and are the model for the words Bette Midler sang in Wind Beneath My Wings.
Alas, next is the love that my dear departed mother would have “tsk, tsk’ed,” over – Ludus, the playful, uncommitted love of “friends with benefits.” More and more common (or perhaps simply more open?), it’s less love but more a love-play-fun with “no strings, no demands.” Like Adam and Emma in No Strings Attached – (spoiler – it didn’t go as planned. Love conquers all!)
Nearing the end of the love categories, Philautia, is self-love and self-understanding. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that the person believes in themselves, is confident and self-assured in their understanding of their place in society and the role they play, unimpeded by those who might try to undermine them. Listen to Helen Reddy singing I Am Woman, or just do what Taylor Swift suggests and Shake it Off.
Finally, I present Agape, the highest form off love. It is a universal love, the love for nature, God, and strangers. James Taylor expresses it well in You’ve Got A friend. I share a favorite story of unconditional agape love exhibited on a stormy winter day to my son whose truck broke down on I 86, causing him to chase a tire and retrieve lug nuts along the road. A vehicle heading in the other direction stopped and pulled off to the side of the road. A young woman ran toward him across the median carrying something. When they connected, she selflessly handed him a cup of coffee saying that he needed hot coffee more than she did. I wonder if he realized that he had a visiting angel delivering Agape love to him along with the coffee. Hebrews 13:2 (Bible Hub) “… for by showing hospitality some have had angels as their guests without being aware of it.” Valentine’s Day presents us with an opportunity to practice all the forms of love for strangers, dear friends, family, or lovers.
What are you waiting for? Get out and love somebody.